Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
