It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
