Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I love you.
Bad choice
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
