brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
