i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
