There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
