Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
