I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
