pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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