Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
