I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
