I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
