Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
