I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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