I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
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