He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
