that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
why is half of my head shaved?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
