I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Randomize
