Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize