1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
