A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
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she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
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Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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