Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
