Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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