I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
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He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
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No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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