My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
