I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize