She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Is it penis luge time yet?
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
