Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
