hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
