come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Randomize
