She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
