How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
