Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
