He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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