I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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