dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
