i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Also, beer. Big fan.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Randomize
