so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
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I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
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I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
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