Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
