at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
