who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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