Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Randomize
