....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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