You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
