How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Randomize
