I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
