Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
