Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Randomize
