dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
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Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
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We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
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