I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I didn't notice because vodka
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
How does one acquire holy water?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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