Dual....:-)
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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