I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
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On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
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Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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