Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
