did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
