i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
