I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
