2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Quick, to the slutcave!
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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