i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
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