perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
