You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
