Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Randomize
