I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
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