i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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