i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
