I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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