My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
