please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
