my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
