guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
