New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
