Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
