You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
