There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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