I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
