is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
