Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
