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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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