Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
