Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
