Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
