i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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