he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
