So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Randomize
