I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
